Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old

The prompt

“If you had to describe our family to someone who's never met us, what would you say?”

What to listen for

Notice the tone first, affectionate teasing usually means they feel comfortable and secure enough to poke fun, while a flat or guarded description might mean they're being careful about what to reveal, even to you.

Listen for which details they pick: humor, chaos, closeness, rules, warmth. Whatever rises to the top of their mind first is probably the truest signal of how family feels to them day-to-day, more than any specific incident would show.

If they freeze up or say "I don't know how to describe us," that's okay, you can make it easier by asking them to describe it in three words instead.

What this tells you

Their outside-in description reveals how they actually experience this family's identity, which may be different from how you'd describe it yourselves.