Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's something you've actually learned about handling frustration when things aren't going your way?”
What to listen for
If they can name a real strategy, walking away, counting, asking for help, they're building genuine tools for self-control rather than just being told to calm down, and that's worth real credit.
If they say they just get mad and that's it, don't correct them right away, ask what usually happens right after the mad part, since there may be a coping strategy hiding in there they haven't named yet.
If they say "I don't know," bring up a specific recent frustrating moment and ask how they got through it.
What this tells you
This shows you whether they're developing real strategies of their own or still relying entirely on you to help them reset.