Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“When's the last time you felt embarrassed in front of people, and what actually happened?”
What to listen for
If they can tell the story with some humor or ease, they feel safe enough to be a little exposed in front of you without fearing judgment, that's a sign they trust this space.
If they get quiet, downplay it, or seem worried about how you'll react, they may need you to prove, gently, that embarrassing moments are safe to bring home and won't be repeated or teased about later.
If they say nothing embarrassing ever happens, consider that they might be protecting themselves from feeling exposed, let it sit without pressing.
What this tells you
This tells you how safe they feel showing you the moments where they felt small, which is a real measure of trust.