Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old
The prompt
“Was there a moment you wanted way more freedom, and a moment you actually wanted less?”
What to listen for
If they can name both, they have a nuanced, honest relationship with independence, wanting more control in some areas while still valuing structure in others, which shows real self-awareness.
If they only name wanting more freedom, that's developmentally normal at this age, no need to push them to find a counterexample.
If they mention wanting less freedom somewhere, listen closely and without surprise, it might mean a specific situation felt like too much responsibility, and they need to know it's okay to ask for support.
What this tells you
The moments they name on both sides of freedom show you where they currently feel ready to lead and where they still want you close.