Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's something about you that's totally different now than when you were little?”
What to listen for
A confident, specific answer means they're actively tracking their own growth and feel proud of who they're becoming, that's a sign they feel safe being seen clearly.
If they mention something they used to be but no longer are (shy, scared, into a certain toy), gently notice out loud that you see the change too, kids this age crave adults naming their growth, not just their mistakes.
A blank "I don't know" might just mean the question feels big and abstract in the moment, try narrowing it: "what about how you handle being scared, is that different?"
What this tells you
This shows you how they're building their own story of who they are, separate from what you tell them they are.