Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“Tell me about a group project that went wrong. What actually happened?”
What to listen for
A detailed, honest account, including their own part in what went wrong, shows they can reflect on conflict without just blaming everyone else, which is a big sign of maturity.
If they focus entirely on how unfair everyone else was, that's normal for this age, but a gentle question like "what do you wish you'd done differently?" can open things up further.
If they shut the topic down fast, it might still feel raw, let it go and circle back another night rather than pushing.
What this tells you
How they narrate this story shows whether they feel safe admitting their own role in things going sideways.