Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“If this Saturday had zero plans and zero chores, completely wide open, what would you actually do with it?”
What to listen for
A detailed answer, even a wild one, shows they have a clear sense of what recharges them and they trust you'll take it seriously instead of laughing it off.
If they describe wanting to be totally alone, that's them craving some control over their own time and space, not a sign anything's wrong. If they describe wanting you there too, that's them telling you time together still feels like the good stuff.
A blank 'I don't know' can just mean free time is unfamiliar territory for them lately, gently ask what they'd do if you weren't allowed to say no to anything.
What this tells you
This shows you what freedom actually looks like to your child right now, and how much they long to direct their own time.