Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old

The prompt

“Do you like it better when I just ask you something out of nowhere, or when I give you a heads-up first, like "hey, can I ask you something later"?”

What to listen for

If they prefer a heads-up, that tells you they need a little control over when they open up, being caught off guard can feel like their privacy is being tested rather than respected.

If they say it doesn't matter or they like spontaneous better, that's a sign they feel pretty relaxed and safe in how you two talk already.

Either answer is a gift, it's literally them telling you how to make future conversations easier, so take it seriously and actually adjust.

What this tells you

Their preference here shows how much say they want over the timing of being asked about their inner world, which is really about feeling in control of their own privacy.