Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old
The prompt
“How would you explain the difference between arguing with someone and actually attacking them?”
What to listen for
If they draw a clear line around tone, intent, or targeting the person versus the issue, that's sophisticated thinking about conflict worth genuine praise, they need to know that distinction is exactly the kind of maturity that makes disagreements safer for everyone.
If they admit the line gets blurry when they're upset, that's honest and normal, they need to feel like noticing the blur is progress, not a confession of failure.
If they're not sure how to describe it, ask for an example of each from their own life, concrete stories often reveal the distinction better than definitions do.
What this tells you
How they separate arguing from attacking shows you how safe they feel disagreeing with people without fearing it'll break the relationship.