Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old
The prompt
“What's the difference for you between someone actually listening and someone just hearing you out?”
What to listen for
If they describe things like eye contact, not jumping to advice, or remembering details later, that tells you concretely what makes them feel truly understood, which you can actually use the next time they're talking to you.
If they mention a time they felt unheard, even by you, take it in without getting defensive, this is some of the most useful feedback you'll get about how to show up for them.
If they say "I don't know, just listen I guess," that's still meaningful, sometimes it's less about technique and more about full attention, which you can offer regardless.
What this tells you
This tells you exactly what makes them feel respected and valued as a person, not just managed as a kid.