Tonight with your 5 to 8 year old

The prompt

“Right before you get really mad, what's the very first thing that happens in your head?”

What to listen for

If they can describe an early warning sign (getting hot, wanting to yell, a thought like "that's not fair"), that's genuinely advanced self-awareness for this age, it means they're starting to catch the wave before it crashes, which you can build on together. If they say it happens too fast to notice, that's completely normal too; most kids their age experience anger as instant, not gradual.

Listen for whether the trigger they describe is about fairness, feeling ignored, or feeling embarrassed, that tells you what usually sits underneath their anger, which is often a more tender feeling in disguise.

If they say "I don't know," ask about last time they got mad and walk backward through it together like a replay.

What this tells you

What happens right before their anger shows you the tender feeling, unfairness, being overlooked, embarrassment, that anger is usually protecting.