Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's a habit you're actually trying to build for yourself right now?”
What to listen for
A clear goal they came up with on their own shows real self-direction, they're starting to shape themselves on purpose instead of just doing what they're told.
If the habit is something you've nagged them about, notice whether they've made it their own idea or they're just repeating your words back, genuine ownership sounds different from compliance.
If they say they're not trying to build anything, that's fine, ask what habit they wish came easier, which often reveals the same thing without the pressure.
What this tells you
This shows whether they're starting to take charge of their own growth instead of waiting to be pushed.