Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“Are you a different kind of you at school than you are here at home?”
What to listen for
A clear, self-aware answer shows real insight, most kids sense this shift long before they can explain it, and naming it out loud is a healthy sign.
If they describe being quieter or more careful at school, that can simply mean school requires more self-control, not that something's wrong, but if it sounds like real pressure to hide who they are, that's worth gently exploring more.
If they say they're exactly the same everywhere, that's a good sign of comfort in both places, a nice thing to point out and affirm.
What this tells you
This shows whether they feel free to be fully themselves everywhere, or only in certain places.