Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's a mistake you made that actually ended up teaching you something useful?”
What to listen for
If they can name the mistake and the lesson without flinching, that shows they've made peace with messing up as just part of learning, not something shameful to hide.
If they can describe the mistake but struggle to name what it taught them, help them find the lesson together rather than supplying it, the goal is them learning to extract meaning from setbacks on their own over time.
If they insist they don't really make mistakes, gently note one you've seen yourself handle well, it can help to hear that even competent people mess up regularly.
What this tells you
This shows you whether your child sees mistakes as something to hide or something they can actually grow from.