Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's something our family always does for birthdays that you'd miss if we stopped?”
What to listen for
If they name something specific with real feeling behind it, that tradition is doing quiet work, giving them a sense of belonging and something predictable to count on every year.
If they shrug it off as no big deal, they still may care more than they're letting on; try asking what they'd add instead if they could plan the perfect birthday.
If they say "I don't know," list a couple of things you do and watch which one gets a reaction.
What this tells you
This shows you which rituals are actually landing as meaningful versus just happening in the background.