Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“Has there been a time you had to be the one to say sorry first, even though you didn't want to?”
What to listen for
If they can walk you through it, the reluctance, the moment they decided to do it anyway, they're learning that repair doesn't require winning, which is a real, hard-won skill worth naming out loud.
If they insist they're always the one who has to apologize and it's not fair, that resentment is worth exploring gently rather than correcting right away.
If they say "I don't know," bring up a recent sibling or friend disagreement and ask how it got resolved.
What this tells you
This tells you whether they're building the confidence to repair a relationship even when their pride is on the line.