Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's something that makes you feel really small or unimportant?”
What to listen for
If they name a specific situation, being talked over, being picked last, being compared to someone else, they're handing you real insight into what chips away at their confidence, and they need you to take it seriously rather than minimize it.
If they get quiet or say it doesn't happen, they might be protecting themselves from feeling that vulnerable out loud; let the question sit without pressing further tonight.
If they say "I don't know," offer an example, being interrupted, being left out of a decision, to see if something clicks.
What this tells you
Their answer shows you exactly where their sense of mattering feels the most fragile right now.