Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's something about our house that feels different from your friends' houses?”
What to listen for
If they name something specific and clearly feel either proud or a little self-conscious about it, that's a window into how they're comparing their world to others' and where they land, take pride seriously and gently reassure any embarrassment.
If they say everything is the same everywhere, they may not have thought much about it yet, which is fine, it just means home doesn't feel like something to defend or explain right now.
If they say "I don't know," ask about a specific friend's house and what's different about the rules, the smell, the noise level.
What this tells you
This tells you how they're making sense of your family's identity compared to the world outside it.