Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“Has a joke ever been made about you that started out funny but ended up going further than you wanted?”
What to listen for
If they can describe the moment it tipped from funny to hurtful, they're developing a real sense of their own limits, and they need to know it's okay to say "that's enough" even mid-laugh, even to people they like.
If they insist it never bothers them, that might be a mask; ask gently what they wished had happened differently in that moment.
If they say "I don't know," ask about a moment when laughing along felt a little forced.
What this tells you
Their answer shows whether they feel entitled to protect their own feelings even inside a joke.