Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What actually makes you feel the most relaxed, more than anything else?”
What to listen for
If they can name something specific and it's something they can actually access regularly, that's useful, it means they have a real tool for calming themselves, and they need you to protect time for it rather than crowd it out.
If what relaxes them is only screens, that's worth gently exploring further, not shutting down, ask what it is about that activity specifically that feels calm.
If they say "I don't know," ask them to describe their body when they feel tense, then work backward to what makes that feeling go away.
What this tells you
This shows you what genuinely helps them reset, which matters a lot more than what you assume should relax them.