Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“How much say do you think kids your age should get about their own haircuts?”
What to listen for
If they have a clear, reasoned opinion, they're practicing having a voice over decisions about their own body and appearance, which is an important, age-appropriate kind of independence to take seriously.
If they say it doesn't matter to them either way, that might be genuine, or it might be them anticipating that their opinion wouldn't change anything anyway, a gentle follow-up can tell you which.
If they say "I don't know," ask about their current haircut specifically and whether they'd change anything about it right now.
What this tells you
This tells you how much ownership they feel over decisions about their own appearance and body.