Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old

The prompt

“How can you tell when a compliment is real versus when someone's just saying it?”

What to listen for

If they describe specifics, tone of voice, whether the person looks at them, whether it's followed by asking for something, that shows sharp social instincts developing, which will serve them well. Notice if they seem a little guarded or skeptical about compliments in general; that might mean they've been let down by empty ones before and need to hear genuine ones more often from you.

If they say all compliments feel nice regardless, that's a sweeter, more trusting stance, not wrong, just worth knowing so you can be thoughtful about how you praise them.

If a specific memory of a fake or backhanded compliment comes up, let them tell the whole story before responding.

What this tells you

This tells you how much they currently trust praise from others, and whether they feel confident enough to tell real appreciation from empty words.