Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's the funniest family memory you can think of right now?”
What to listen for
The memory they pick first is rarely random, it usually involves a moment they felt fully relaxed and completely part of the group, with no pressure to be anything other than themselves.
If they tell it in a lot of detail and laugh while retelling it, that's them showing you this memory is a genuine comfort spot they return to, a sign of feeling securely connected to the family.
If they need a minute to think, that's fine; you can offer one of your own favorites first to jog things loose.
What this tells you
The memory they reach for first shows you where they feel most safely and joyfully connected to this family.