Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old
The prompt
“When we say no to something, how much explanation do you actually want from us, versus just wanting us to trust you with less back-and-forth?”
What to listen for
If they want more explanation, that's not defiance, they need to feel like a reasoning partner, not someone being managed, and giving that respect actually builds their trust in your judgment.
If they say they don't need a whole explanation, just a fair reason and to be done with it, that tells you they crave efficiency and respect more than debate, worth honoring literally next time.
If they say it depends on the situation, that nuance is worth exploring a little further, different nos might call for different approaches.
What this tells you
How much explanation they want for a no shows you exactly how they want to be trusted as they get older.