Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old
The prompt
“What matters most to you in a moment when literally no one would ever find out either way?”
What to listen for
If they describe honesty, kindness, or doing the right thing even unseen, that's real integrity forming, they need that instinct affirmed as something admirable, not naive.
If they're honest that they sometimes cut corners when no one's watching, meet that candor with respect, not disappointment, they need to feel safe admitting the gap between ideal and actual behavior.
If they say they've never really thought about it, that's a fair, honest answer, the question itself might do some quiet work later.
What this tells you
What matters to them when no one's watching shows you the values they actually hold, not just the ones they perform.