Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old
The prompt
“Have you seen a conflict handled really well by someone you admire, like it actually impressed you?”
What to listen for
If they describe someone staying calm, being fair, or finding a real resolution, that's the model of conflict they're internalizing as the standard, worth naming clearly so they know you see it too.
If the person they admire is a peer rather than an adult, that's worth taking just as seriously, they need to know role models can be their own age, not only grown-ups.
If nothing comes to mind, ask what handling conflict well would even look like to them, sometimes the ideal exists before a real example does.
What this tells you
The conflict-handling they admire shows you the standard they're quietly measuring themselves against.