Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old
The prompt
“Is there a rule of ours that actually makes more sense to you now than it used to?”
What to listen for
If they can name one, notice whether they explain it with a shrug ("I guess it makes sense") or with real understanding ("oh yeah, now I get why"). The second version means they're starting to internalize values rather than just following orders, which is a big marker of growing maturity.
If they push back and say none of the rules make more sense, that's useful information too, it might mean a rule needs revisiting together, or it might just mean they're not ready to concede that point tonight, and that's okay.
A quiet "I don't know" can mean they haven't thought about it that way before, you've just planted a seed, no need to force the harvest tonight.
What this tells you
This shows you whether they're starting to see the reasoning behind your rules as their own, which is a sign they feel respected enough to actually consider it rather than just comply or rebel.