Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“Is there a family tradition we do that you'd never admit out loud you actually love?”
What to listen for
If they confess to loving something 'uncool,' that's a great sign, they feel safe enough with you to drop the too-cool-for-this act and just be honest.
A long pause before answering often means they're weighing what's safe to admit versus what feels embarrassing; that's normal at this age as they start caring more about how things look to others. Gently reassure them nothing they love is embarrassing to you.
If they insist nothing counts, ask what they'd miss most if that tradition stopped happening, that usually surfaces the real answer.
What this tells you
This shows you that even as your child pulls toward independence, certain family moments still anchor them.