Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old
The prompt
“If we ever had to ask for your phone, how would you want us to handle that?”
What to listen for
Listen for whether they emphasize being told why, being given notice, or being treated with some dignity in the process, that tells you what would make an already-uncomfortable moment feel less like a punishment and more like a conversation.
If they get defensive or assume this means something's about to happen, reassure them it's a general question, not a warning, and let them answer without feeling accused.
If they say "I'd just want you to trust me first," take that seriously as their real ask, even if the practical answer is more nuanced than that.
What this tells you
This tells you how they want their dignity and trust preserved even in moments where you have to exercise authority over them.