Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old

The prompt

“Honestly, when I check in on you, does it usually feel like I'm checking in or checking up?”

What to listen for

A direct, honest answer here, even a slightly awkward one, means they feel safe telling you the truth about how your attention lands, which is exactly what you want them to feel free to do.

If they say "it depends" or give an example, that's them handing you something specific and useful, not a complaint, take it as information, not a verdict on you as a parent.

If they get quiet or say "I don't know," they might not want to risk hurting your feelings; you can lighten it by saying you really want to know, no wrong answer.

What this tells you

This tells you whether your attention currently feels like care or like surveillance to them, which shapes how much they'll keep telling you.