Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old
The prompt
“What's the difference to you between a rule that makes sense and one that just feels like control?”
What to listen for
If they can articulate a clear distinction, it means they're developing real judgment about authority and fairness, not just reacting against every rule on principle.
If they bring up a specific rule of ours as an example, try to hear it as data rather than a personal attack, they're trusting you with something that could easily start a fight instead.
If they say most rules feel like control, that's worth taking seriously without getting defensive; ask what would make a rule feel more like it makes sense to them.
What this tells you
This shows you whether they currently experience our rules as respect for them or as a lack of trust in them.