Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What do you think about the rules we have around who you can hang out with?”
What to listen for
If they push back on a specific rule with real reasons, that's them testing whether their judgment about people is trusted, worth actually hearing out, even if the rule stays the same.
If they bring up a friend you haven't approved of, stay curious rather than defensive, you'll learn more by asking why that friend matters to them than by shutting it down.
If they say the rules are fine, that might be true, or it might mean they don't feel like their opinion would change anything anyway, a gentle "is there anyone you wish I trusted more?" can open it up.
What this tells you
This shows how much they feel their own judgment about people is respected as they get older.