Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“Was there ever a time you learned to laugh at your own mistake instead of feeling awful about it?”
What to listen for
If they can describe that shift, it's a genuinely big developmental win, learning to laugh at yourself is one of the clearest signs of a kid who feels fundamentally okay with who they are, mistakes included.
Listen for what helped that shift happen, was it time, someone else laughing with them kindly, or just deciding it wasn't a big deal, since that tells you what actually helps them recover from embarrassment.
If they say they still feel awful about every mistake, that's important information, not a flaw, it means they need more modeling from you of laughing at your own mistakes too.
What this tells you
This shows how much self-acceptance they've built around their own imperfections.