Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's something you're strong at that's easy to miss because it's quiet, not loud?”
What to listen for
If they can name something like being a good listener or staying calm under pressure, they understand that value doesn't have to be flashy to be real, that's a mature, healthy sense of self.
If they struggle to answer, offer an observation of your own first, sometimes kids need to hear an adult name a quiet strength before they can claim it themselves.
If they name something and then downplay it right after, that's worth noticing gently, they may need more direct praise for the parts of them that don't get applause.
What this tells you
This tells you whether they can see their own worth beyond the things that get the most visible attention.