Tonight with your 9 to 12 year old
The prompt
“What's something you wish adults understood about being a kid your age?”
What to listen for
This question tends to surface something real and specific, feeling rushed, feeling underestimated, feeling like their problems get dismissed as small. Take whatever they say completely seriously, without defending adults in general, even if it stings a little to hear.
If they say something like 'we have real problems too,' that's an important invitation to ask what kind of problems they mean, rather than assuming you already know.
If they draw a blank, you can offer a gentle prompt like 'is it about how much freedom you get, or how seriously your feelings get taken?' to help them find words for something they sense but haven't articulated.
What this tells you
This tells you, in their own words, where they feel most misunderstood right now, which is exactly the gap worth closing.