Tonight with your 13 to 17 year old

The prompt

“What makes an argument actually feel useful to you instead of just exhausting?”

What to listen for

If they can describe specifics, being heard, not being yelled at, getting to finish a sentence, they're telling you exactly what respect looks like to them in conflict, which is incredibly useful information.

If they mention something we do that drains them, try to just take it in without getting defensive; it's a gift when they'll say it plainly instead of just shutting down next time.

If they say all arguments feel exhausting, that might mean they need to feel more in control of when and how a hard conversation happens, not necessarily that the content is the problem.

What this tells you

This tells you what they need to feel like conflict is safe rather than something to just survive.